• Feeling: tired
• Listening to: Everything is awesome
• Watching: Nothing today

I’m going to keep this short because I’m tired and it’s past midnight (again). Today was much better than yesterday, with a more even keel all round. No tantrums, no tears, and even a nice walk out in the sunshine this afternoon.

F enjoyed doing some creative writing this morning and the plot she had devised (involving a prophecy about a young photographer & inventor who is in trouble for breaking rules) obviously had really grabbed her, because she spent quite a bit of the day furnishing us with more details.

B managed to get through all the work he was meant to do, including an animated film for French. He still won’t stop stressing about work but I think getting himself organised has helped. We also encouraged him to work downstairs with the rest of us today because its too easy for him to start getting stressed when he’s sitting upstairs by himself.

I finally ventured out to the supermarket today which was a strange experience – I’m not sure I can stand the stress of shopping while trying to avoid everyone and not touching anything – I may have to dial down my paranoia a bit. Mostly everything we needed was there – the only real exception being flour and noodles – where the shelves were completely empty. But that aside the main issue was that there was a lack of choice where we’ve been used to having huge amounts of choice.

Together with our regular fruit/veg + meat/fish boxes we get delivered on a Tuesday each week I think we should have enough to get us through the week now. I also picked up some lego sets for the kids as a treat – I thought they deserved one.

Thinking ahead to the so-called “Easter holiday” and wondering how we are actually going to manage that. F is keen to be on holiday, but I’m not sure trying to “holiday” when you can’t leave the house is a great idea – I suspect after a couple of days frustration would set in (although possibly F would be happy if we let her watch back-to-back Boss Baby and Avatar cartoons the whole week.)

I spent the evening starting a jigsaw, and then trying to arrange 8 bars of “Everything is awesome” into a SATB (soprano, alto, tenor, bass) choral arrangement based on a webinar by the MD of our choir, Seb Farrall. That took much longer than I expected, so now it’s time for bed.

• Feeling: like I don’t like Mondays
• Listening to: Kingdom Choir
• Watching: Only Connect Series 15 Final

As with last Monday, this was a tough day. I guess over the weekend it’s possible to pretend things are “normal” to a large extent, but when Monday comes, reality hits: no school, no going out, no fun 🙁

F was restless all morning, didn’t really want to do anything except watch TV, and as she got more and more bored even the slightest suggestion of doing something else was met with tears and upset. Unfortunately F seems to blame herself when things go wrong, and so once she felt she had done something wrong (which she hadn’t, and we didn’t suggest she had) it was a downward spiral.

Lunch indoors today which was a shame, but the weather is just not as good as last week.

After lunch, it was Art for the kids, and as last week, this was a bit of a bumpy ride. F was reluctant to do it in the first place (and we gave the option for her to skip it, but she eventually, grumpily, decided she would do it), and then became upset when she felt her picture wasn’t anything like it was meant to be.

I really empathise with her on this because I know the feeling of not achieving the outcomes you want, especially artistically, and how bad that can make you feel. I became convinced I was ‘no good at art’ when I was younger, and that feeling stays with me even though I know that all this does is limit myself – I don’t want F to fall into that trap.

I had my own teary moment during the afternoon, when the fact I couldn’t make things better for F right now hit me hard.

B had his moments of trauma today as well, as he felt he wasn’t coping with the work being set by school. The truth is he’s doing great generally but he’s struggled with exactly how to organise himself, and the way the teachers are setting work due is not entirely consistent which has left him missing submitting a couple of pieces of work – and he really hates feeling like he’s not doing the work right.

And through this poor D had to support us all – she is amazing as always and keeps us all going.

Happily things picked up when F, then B, had their one-to-one sessions with a tutor from Explore Learning (they’d usually go to this maths & english tutoring centre once or twice a week). This was by a long way the best online interaction they’ve had because it was one-to-one – it was just so nice to see them getting on with work, chatting to the tutor in a relaxed way.

Also welcome was a delivery of tea and coffee from The Golden Monkey Tea Company – which was a relief as I finished the last of my existing coffee this morning and we were running short on tea (and I didn’t actually manage to get out to the shop today – that treat will have to wait until tomorrow).

D and the kids had done some rainbow drawings for the tea shop window:

And final good news of the day is that we finished off the “Fantastic Beasts” jigsaw (bar three missing pieces) and so we can move on to the next challenge … Ook!

• Feeling: like a measure of whisky (or two)
• Listening to: Stay, Shakespeare’s Sister
• Watching: Hitmen

Its Friday, which would usually be cause for minor celebration and the question “what shall we do this weekend?”. But instead we face another day of being at home.

F, at least, is looking forward to the weekend with the promise that the rest of the family will drag themselves away from work and do something more interesting instead.

While I think we’ve settled into a reasonable routine, I also feel like (ironically) I’ve been less ‘present’ for the kids than I usually am during the week. Work has tended to seep in at all edges and I feel like I’ve spent quite a lot of the week in my own work “bubble”. On top of that now my (limited!) social life is also online – so I go from working on the computer to doing social stuff on the computer almost without a break. I’m still looking for the right balance, and don’t think I’ve found it yet.

Doing the Joe Wicks PE with F has been fun and good for me, although it takes me a good hour to recover from the high intensity workout! Hopefully that will improve as well.

B is still coughing and although his 7 days of isolation finished last weekend I still don’t feel completely comfortable with the idea of him going out. Our own 14 days of isolation finishes on Sunday and it would be great to get out for a walk if we can, but it might need to wait until B is fully recovered.

Plans for the weekend involve spending time in the garden. I need to give the hedges a good trim, and I have an idea the kids could build a bivouac or den of some kind from the clippings if we can find some suitable wood for the basic frame. I also want to try to give a new lease of life to a small trampoline (more of a trampette really) that we bought F for her 3rd birthday. Six years later it’s just sitting in the back garden and it would be lovely if I can find a way of making it useable again. I just hope the sun shines again this weekend.

We should have been going away to Wales at the end of next week with my Mum and E & family, celebrating Mum’s birthday, nephew J’s birthday and F’s birthday, and it’s sad to be sitting here knowing we are going to miss all this, and to know this is being reflected for so many people across the country and across the world. But we have so much to be thankful for, and in the big scheme of things these are relatively small hardships. So far the overall impact on us has been about inconvenience and disappointment, not tragedy – for which I’m hugely grateful.

So I sit here sipping a whisky, listening to Shakespeare Sister, moisturising my hands, and remembering how lucky we really are. Here’s to the weekend!

• Feeling: relaxed then stressed
• Listening to: Once more with feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode soundtrack)
• Watching: Portrait Artist of the Year

I woke before 7 again. Although I’m not particularly conscious that I’m worrying about the current situation, I obviously am and I suspect that’s part of the reason I’m waking early (I know 7 isn’t particularly early generally, but it is for me!)

I let myself have a slow start to the day, getting on with the spelt bread I started yesterday. Thanks to D we got a Sainsbury delivery today – initially left on the wrong doorstep by the delivery man (luckily he phoned to say he’d left it, and D got to the door before he drove off!) and that prompted me to do a proper review of what we have in the freezer (although my ideal is to keep the freezer full and only start using stock from there if we absolutely have to). With the new supplies plus some things from the freezer I was able to cook bolognese tonight (using the chicken stock I made at the weekend) which the kids really enjoyed.

We’ve not quite got a handle on how much milk we get through (although I partly blame D as she has a tendency to suddenly decide to offer the kids hot milk/hot chocolate without first checking we actually have enough milk). We didn’t order any from the supermarket as we are getting regular deliveries from the milkman, but after B had breakfast there wasn’t much left from the bottle we got on Wednesday. As a result I had to make do with an almond milk latte this morning (oh woe is me) but I was pretty pleased with the result (although I still prefer dairy milk for tea and coffee).

The Spelt bread worked well and made a great ham, cheese, salad & pickle sandwich for another garden lunch in the beautiful spring sunshine – glad everyday that its nice enough for us to get outside in the garden.

After a relaxed morning the afternoon was more stressful but just normal work stress to be honest – too much to do and not enough time. At 5 I joined Seb (our choir music director) for a webinar on arranging music for choir. There was quite a lot to take in, and I was desperately trying to remember my grade 5 theory to keep up. I think I’ll need to re-watch the recording, although it did generally make sense as we went through it – he’s set me some homework to try to do the harmony for a short (8 bar) tune – which is a nice challenge.

My work bled into the evening until about 9:30, and D and I were both tired out and nodding off a bit as we watched TV. At 8pm there was a “clap” for all those working to keep us safe through the pandemic – especially NHS staff. D and I clapped in the house, but no-one in our crescent of houses seemed to be out clapping (maybe they were doing the same as us though!). It seems other areas were clapping away outside as Mum said her street were out clapping, and lots of people from choir had been joining in and able to hear others doing the same.

Time for bed now. Stay safe, stay strong

• Feeling: tired
• Listening to: Postmodern Juke box
• Watching: Sing it Loud virtual choir meeting on Zoom

I’m going to keep it short today, as I’m tired out after a series of early starts/late finishes.

It’s been a pretty good day overall. I started the day doing the Joe Wicks PE session with F – which left me exhausted!

Then a useful discussion about moving some training I do online, and generally I had a productive day work wise

Th kids have been happy, we had lunch in the garden again, and I finished the day with a virtual choir meeting via videoconference (Zoom) – it was lovely.

Unfortunately B has developed tummy problems this evening – we don’t think it’s anything he ate, and diarrhoea is another Covid-19 symptom (although only in some cases). He keeps pushing himself and I think we’ll be trying hard tomorrow to make him take it a bit easier.

On the plus side – D managed to get a supermarket delivery slot for tomorrow morning – so depending on what they actually end up having available when they deliver tomorrow, we should be stocked up with food (especially fruit which we are almost out of). I also started off some spelt flour bread – so hoping that will be ready for lunchtime tomorrow.

Now going to go to bed with a cup of Rooibos and get some much needed sleep.

Stay safe, stay strong, sleep well

• Feeling: better
• Listening to: Something inside so strong
• Watching: The Mandalorian

I woke early again today, although I stayed in bed for a bit. D got up to do some work and I came down while the kids were still in bed (although B at least was awake and reading). I had almond milk porridge for breakfast and did an early work call (8am) with someone in Germany before kids got downstairs. F and D did the Cosmic Kids Yoga “Force Awakens” workout which covers the whole story of Force Awakens. The “death of Han Solo at the hands of Kylo Ren” is my favourite yoga move ever.

F has had hearing problems for a little while, caused by a build up of wax, so she watched some TV (Hook is her new favourite film) while I put olive oil in her ears to try to soften the wax.

After that D suggested that F should make herself a timetable for the week – which she happily got on with and came up with a really nice balance of work and breaks/treats. Although I’m guessing its easier to plan than to actually follow I think giving her as much control as we can is important.

Meanwhile B got on with school work (English, History) in his room. B has been stressing a little over his school work – despite us reminding him that he’s still not well, and that he doesn’t need to worry. I think he just doesn’t have a feel for how much he should be getting done, which means he ends up being worried he hasn’t done enough – but overall he seems happy just getting on with it.

It was a good morning. Several choir friends got in touch to check I was OK after they saw I’d been a bit down yesterday – lots of lovely messages of support – it was so nice. We also got our weekly fruit, veg, meat & fish delivered from Abel and Cole this morning which was great – even though the fruit & veg was quite limited (more kiwis!). The meat included hot dog sausages, and as we were almost out of bread but have plenty of flour (for the moment) I decided to make some “mostly white” rolls (75% white flour, 25% wholemeal) to try to make the white flour last as long as possible (although the kids prefer white bread of course).

The afternoon went pretty well. We all had lunch in the garden, and I took some time away from the computer later in the afternoon to keep F company (out in the garden again) and to try to improve the improvised setup I’ve made so that F can have kung fu training sessions on Zoom. I also tried to show F how to change a plug, but she was sceptical this was a useful skill for her to learn: “but how often have you actually had to change a plug?” – oh well!

Overall a much better day, although I’m tired now and going to go to bed early to get another early start for work. On the work agenda is planning how I can switch a training course I usually do face-to-face into an online version.